Have you ever found yourself on the brink of something good. maybe a promising relationship, a great job opportunity, or a healthy new habit – only to see yourself mess it up… almost on purpose? 

If you’re nodding slowly, you’re not alone. It’s called self-sabotage, and many of us do it more often than we care to admit.

We don’t do it because we’re lazy or weak. We do it because, in some strange way, our minds are trying to protect us – even when it doesn’t make sense.

Self-sabotage happens when we either consciously or unconsciously act in ways that hinder our own success or well-being. It might manifest as procrastinating on crucial tasks, pushing loved ones away, binge-eating when we’re trying to eat healthier, or quitting something just as it starts getting good.

It’s that nagging inner voice that says, “You’re not good enough,” or “This is too good to be true.” It’s that subtle yet persistent urge to retreat to what feels comfortable – even if that comfort is actually harmful.

There isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer, but here are some of the most common reasons:

large_a fearful lady

medium_a fearful lady

small_a fearful lady

thumbnail_a fearful lady

a fearful lady

Ironically, some of us would rather not try at all than risk failing. Failure feels personal, almost like a reflection of our worth. So instead of facing the possibility of disappointment, we close the door on opportunities before they even have a chance to open. It’s a peculiar form of emotional self-preservation. 

Sounds strange, right? But success can be just as intimidating as failure. It brings along responsibility, change, and expectations. When we achieve success, we might worry about our ability to maintain it. So, we subconsciously “escape” the pressure by sabotaging ourselves before we even reach that point. 

If deep down, we don’t believe we deserve happiness, love, or success, we’ll sabotage anything that suggests otherwise. That amazing relationship? We might ghost the person. That job promotion? We start slacking. Our inner critic convinces us we’re not worthy, and we act accordingly. 

Our upbringing shapes how we see ourselves and the world. If we grew up around chaos, neglect, or constant criticism, we might internalize dysfunction as normal. Stability can feel unfamiliar – untrustworthy even. So we go back to what we know, even if it hurts.

When life feels unpredictable, self-sabotage can give us a false sense of control. If we mess things up ourselves, at least we’re not waiting for the world to do it for us. We’d rather be the one to let go first than be caught off guard by someone else’s rejection.

Have you ever achieved something incredible and thought, “I don’t belong here”? That’s impostor syndrome rearing its head. We worry about being “found out” as a fraud, which leads us to withdraw, or play it small. Self-sabotage becomes a strange way of validating our own insecurities.  You can read more about imposter syndrome here

How to Know If You’re Self-Sabotaging  

Sometimes, it’s pretty clear. But often, self-sabotage hides behind habits that seem “normal.” Here are a few warning signs:  

 You procrastinate on important tasks, even when you know it’ll hurt you.  

 You quit just before reaching the finish line.  

 You push people away when things start to get emotionally close.  

You feel uneasy when life is going well.  

You engage in destructive habits that clash with your goals.  

Is this you? If yes, there’s a good chance self-sabotage is at play.  

Healing from self-sabotage doesn’t happen overnight. But it starts with awareness. You have to notice the pattern before you can break it.

large_therapy session

medium_therapy session

small_therapy session

thumbnail_therapy session

therapy session

Get support. A therapist, coach, or trusted friend can help you see what you might miss on your own.

Identify your triggers. What situations bring out your self-sabotaging behaviors? Is it stress, vulnerability, or feeling out of control?

Challenge your inner critic. That voice that says you’re not good enough? It’s lying. Start questioning it instead of blindly agreeing.

Be kind to yourself. You’re not broken. You’re human. Self-sabotage is a defense mechanism, not a character flaw.

Practice self-compassion. It's almost impossible to separate self-compassion from mental health. You’ve probably been hard on yourself for years. Try doing the opposite and show yourself grace. Healing starts with softness, not shame.

Self-sabotage is rarely about laziness or lack of willpower. It’s usually rooted in old wounds, fear, and a distorted sense of self. But the good news is that what’s learned can be unlearned.

You are allowed to enjoy good things without guilt.

So the next time you catch yourself pulling away from the good, pause and ask yourself: What am I afraid of? 

That simple question might be the first step toward rewriting your story.

Struggling with self-sabotage? You’re not alone. Discover why it happens, how it affects your success, and practical steps to start healing today.

How to Recognize and Stop Self-Sabotage

Psychologists define procrastination as "the voluntary, unnecessary delay of an important task, despite knowing that it could have negative consequences." 

Simply put, it's the act of delaying or postponing something that needs to be done –   sometimes even when you know there will be consequences. Many times, you're fully aware of what needs to be done, yet you keep pushing it aside. But, it's not always a sign of laziness; in fact, it often stems from deeper emotional or psychological triggers.

Maybe you’ve done this before: your to-do list is in front of you, you stare at that one task you keep moving from one day to the next, whispering, “I’ll do it tomorrow.”

Perhaps it's even today that you’re finally reading this blog post after saving it for over a week. That’s procrastination in action.

Experts explain that procrastination isn’t just about poor time management, it’s often an emotional response. It happens when we try to avoid the negative feelings a task brings, like fear, boredom, or self-doubt. Instead of tackling the task, we seek immediate relief, even if it means delaying what’s important. 

It’s more common than you think. Almost everyone procrastinates at some point. It's human nature. But when it becomes a constant pattern, when it starts to affect your productivity, mental well-being, or personal growth, then it’s time to pause and pay attention.

We like to tell ourselves we still have time.

We believe we’ll be in a better mood later.

We assume we’ll feel more prepared tomorrow.

Sometimes, procrastination is rooted in fear – fear of failure, fear of success, fear of not doing it perfectly. 

Other times, it's a result of feeling overwhelmed, perfectionism, or even low self-esteem.

In some cases, procrastination is a symptom of an underlying mental health condition such as depression or ADHD. It may also come from forgetfulness, being in the habit of always waiting until the last minute, or simply believing you’ll always have time to catch up.

large_deadline day

medium_deadline day

small_deadline day

thumbnail_deadline day

deadline day

What Procrastination Really Steals from Us

While putting things off may feel harmless in the moment, the consequences tend to pile up:

Reduced productivity: You do less and feel worse about it.

Increased stress: Deadlines get tighter, and pressure builds up.

Missed opportunities: You may lose out on growth, goals, or great chances.

Poor performance: Last-minute rush jobs often lack the quality of well-paced work.

Emotional toll: Guilt, anxiety, and self-criticism are frequent companions of chronic procrastinators.

The truth is, you may never completely stop procrastinating because you are always juggling a lot. But you can learn to manage it better, especially when it becomes chronic and affects your life consistently.

10 realistic tips to help you break the cycle:

large_You can do it now.

medium_You can do it now.

small_You can do it now.

thumbnail_You can do it now.

You can do it now.

Do you always procrastinate on the same types of tasks? Notice the pattern. Awareness is the first step to breaking it.

Overwhelm often leads to avoidance. Break big tasks into micro-steps. Instead of “Write report,” try “Open document,” then “Write first paragraph.”

3. Flip the Logic: "If I Can Do It Later, I Can Do It Now"

The next time you catch yourself saying, “I’ll do it later,” challenge that thought. Why not now? Often, the time you spend avoiding the task is longer than the time it would take to complete it.

Your phone, noise, open tabs – all of them chip away at your focus. Try using apps that block distractions or set a timer for focused work.

If a task takes less than two minutes, do it immediately. This helps you build momentum and tackle the small things that pile up quickly.

Use to-do lists, time blocks, or planners to organize your tasks. But give yourself grace when things don’t go perfectly.

7. Don’t Wait for the “Perfect” Time

Truth is, there's rarely a perfect moment. Waiting for the right mood, energy, or spark may just be another form of avoidance.

Don’t beat yourself up for procrastinating. Instead, ask: “What am I avoiding, and why?” Replace shame with curiosity.

Tell someone your goals. Body doubling (working alongside someone else) or sharing your to-do list can motivate you to follow through.

Done is better than perfect. Celebrate the small wins, they add up over time.

Procrastination isn’t always about laziness, it’s about emotions, expectations, and sometimes, mental load. 

But you’re not powerless. Each small step you take toward doing the thing (even if it’s just reading this post!) is already a win.

So, if you’ve been putting off something important, consider this your nudge. Start small. Start now.

Learn why we procrastinate, how it affects your goals, and effective ways to break the habit. Take back control of your time and productivity today.

Why We Procrastinate and How to Break the Cycle

You’ve probably come across people who are labeled as shy, quiet, reserved, or even timid. We often assume that they simply prefer solitude or are introverted by nature. But what happens when this “shyness” isn’t just a personality trait, but a deep-rooted fear that affects nearly every aspect of someone’s life?

That is where Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD) comes in; a mental health condition that goes far beyond shyness. It’s identified by a profound fear of social rejection, disapproval, and criticism. 

According to the American Psychiatric Association (APA), Avoidant Personality Disorder is recognized as a pervasive condition that impacts social functioning and emotional well-being. The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) notes that individuals with AvPD often experience heightened fear of rejection and criticism, which can hinder their ability to form meaningful connections.

While the exact global prevalence of Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD) varies by region and population, it is generally estimated to affect a significant portion of the global population. 

People with AvPD are often plagued by feelings of inadequacy and intense self-consciousness. Unlike the occasional social anxiety most people feel, AvPD is persistent, overwhelming, and can be debilitating.

Those who live with this disorder often find themselves stuck in a situation where they deeply desire connection and closeness, yet constantly fear being judged, ridiculed, or rejected. Because of this, they tend to avoid social interactions entirely, not because they don’t care, but because the emotional cost of vulnerability feels too high.

As a result, many individuals with AvPD struggle to maintain relationships and often become extremely isolated. Over time, this isolation can lead to further issues, such as depression, anxiety, and challenges in both work and school environments.

So, how can you tell when someone’s behavior is more than just “being shy”? 

large_Symptoms of AvPD

medium_Symptoms of AvPD

small_Symptoms of AvPD

thumbnail_Symptoms of AvPD

Symptoms of AvPD

Common signs of Avoidant Personality Disorder

Avoiding social situations despite wanting to connect with others.

Reluctance to try new things or enter unfamiliar settings.

Persistent low self-esteem and a deep sense of inadequacy.

Withdrawing from work, school, or activities that require social interaction.

Overthinking and worrying about being embarrassed or judged.

Feeling highly sensitive to negative feedback or even perceived disapproval.

Hesitating to speak up in groups or voice opinions out of fear of rejection.

Avoiding relationships or romantic connections to avoid emotional risks.

Seeking to control situations to minimize vulnerability.

It’s easy to misunderstand people with AvPD as disinterested but their withdrawal is rooted in fear, not arrogance. 

The condition often goes undetected because the individuals affected are unlikely to speak up about their struggles. To the outside world, they may simply appear introverted or antisocial.

Unlike typical social anxiety, AvPD is a long-term, deeply ingrained pattern of behavior. It doesn’t just affect how a person interacts with others – it influences how they view themselves, how they interpret the world, and how they navigate everyday life.

There’s no single cause of AvPD, but research points to a combination of biological, psychological, and environmental factors. These may include:

2. Early childhood experiences, such as harsh criticism or rejection.

3. Bullying or emotional abuse, especially during formative years.

5. A naturally sensitive or introverted temperament.

All of these can shape a person’s ideology and make them more vulnerable to developing avoidant behaviors.

Avoidant Personality Disorder is usually diagnosed in adulthood. 

One of the biggest challenges is that most people with the condition don’t seek help. When they do, it’s often for other symptoms like depression or anxiety – not realizing that those issues may be rooted in a larger personality pattern. Unfortunately, once the immediate problem seems resolved, they may stop therapy before deeper healing begins.

Because AvPD involves long-standing thought patterns and behaviors, treatment can be complex. However, that doesn't mean improvement isn't possible.

large_online therapy

medium_online therapy

small_online therapy

thumbnail_online therapy

online therapy

It has been discovered that one of the most effective treatment for AvPD is psychotherapy, particularly Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). This approach helps individuals identify and challenge the negative beliefs they hold about themselves and others. 

In some cases, medication may also be used to manage symptoms like anxiety or depression. Group therapy, though initially daunting, can also be beneficial in helping individuals practice social skills in a supportive environment.

Change is rarely instant, especially for a disorder built on years of fear and avoidance. But with patience, consistency, and a strong support system, people with AvPD can build healthier relationships, gain confidence, and reclaim parts of life they once hid from.

Avoidant Personality Disorder isn’t just about being shy, it’s about living in constant fear of emotional harm. And while the journey to healing may be long, it is possible. 

By understanding the signs, showing compassion, and encouraging professional help, we can make space for people with AvPD to feel seen, safe, and supported.

Finding a certified therapist is easy with us. 

We’ve also included a step-by-step guide to assist you in booking your first session.

https://tranqbay.health/blog/general/speak-with-an-online-therapist-a-step-by-step-guide

Explore the signs, causes, and challenges of Avoidant Personality Disorder-a condition marked by deep fear of rejection and desire for connection.

What Is Avoidant Personality Disorder? Symptoms, Causes & Treatment

Therapy changes lives and everyone’s experience is uniquely personal. In this blog series, we ask: “How has therapy changed your life?” Here's one story that sheds light on how a young person found clarity, strength, and healing through therapy. Their words are a reminder that asking for help is not weakness If you’ve ever wondered whether therapy could be for you, her story might just be the nudge you need.

How Has Therapy Changed Your Life? Let’s Talk

There’s a moment in many of our lives when everything seems to be happening all at once; loss, confusion, broken friendships, anxiety you can’t explain, and a sense of exhaustion you just can’t shake off. I reached that moment in my early 20s, and it was therapy that gave me language for what I was feeling, permission to pause, and tools to grow.

For a long time, the idea of going for therapy felt unnecessary. maybe even indulgent. I used to think therapy was for people who were "really going through it" or whatever it was. But the truth is, most of us are quietly carrying burdens we don’t even know how to unpack. The façade of “being okay” can only last so long.

I decided to go for therapy after what I thought was a “small” panic attack. That session opened a door to parts of myself I didn’t even know existed. And the journey began, not one of instant healing, but of gradual becoming.

One of the first things therapy gave me was self-awareness. I learned that many of the ways I reacted to people, to stress, and to disappointments, were deeply rooted in childhood patterns and defense mechanisms. That awareness helped me stop blaming myself for everything and start understanding myself instead.

Therapy helped me learn to name emotions. Before, I just knew I was “not fine.” Now, I can say, “I’m feeling overwhelmed,” “I’m grieving,” or “I’m angry because I felt dismissed.” It might seem small, but naming how you feel is one of the most powerful mental health tools you can have. It puts you in control, instead of letting your feelings control you.

One thing therapy taught me early on is this: healing is not a straight line. There were weeks I left my sessions feeling lighter, seen, and ready to face life. But there were also sessions I cried through, left emotionally drained, or even questioned why I started in the first place.

But that’s growth. That’s the process. And with time, I began to see how much lighter my mental load became. I wasn’t reacting to triggers the same way. I could have hard conversations without spiraling into anxiety. I was showing up more authentically in friendships. All because I was learning, unlearning, and healing intentionally.

Before therapy, I thought being strong meant never breaking down, always being available for others, and suppressing my feelings to maintain peace. Therapy helped me redefine strength as vulnerability, as asking for help, as taking breaks, and as protecting my mental health.

I learned that boundaries are not walls but they’re bridges to healthier relationships. That burnout isn’t a badge of honor. That my worth is not tied to productivity.

If you’ve never been in therapy, it’s hard to describe the relief that comes with having a safe, non-judgmental space to just be. Some weeks, I didn’t have the words. I just showed up. Other times, I poured out every tangled thought in my head. But the presence of someone trained to listen and guide you through your mind is something I’ll never take for granted.

We talk about physical health freely - doctor visits, fitness plans, and wellness routines. Why don’t we do the same for our mental health? Therapy shouldn’t be a last resort; it can be a proactive, powerful step toward a more grounded life.

Whether you’re going through trauma, grief, stress, identity questions, or just feel stuck, therapy can be a life-changing tool. 

It's not magic, but it is movement. It’s choosing healing, again and again.

If therapy has changed your life in any way, this is your invitation to share. Your story might be the light someone else needs to take that first brave step toward healing.

Let’s value our mental health the same way we value our careers, relationships, and goals.

Because when you start doing the inner work, everything else begins to align.

Do you want to find the nearest therapist near you? It is easy with us. 

Discover how therapy can change your life through personal stories of healing, self-awareness, and growth. Let’s normalize therapy and prioritize mental health.

How Has Therapy Changed Your Life?  Let’s Talk

Mental health is just as important as physical health, yet finding the right support can sometimes feel overwhelming, especially in Nigeria where conversations around mental wellness are still evolving. Maybe you're feeling stressed, anxious, navigating grief, or simply want to understand yourself better. Whatever your reason, seeking professional help from a therapist is a sign of strength, not weakness. But where do you start? How do you find someone qualified, affordable, and who truly understands you?

The journey to finding the right therapist can present hurdles – from knowing where to look, to concerns about cost, finding someone licensed, or even logistical challenges. This is where Tranqbay steps in. As a dedicated mental health platform, Tranqbay aims to bridge the gap, making it significantly easier for individuals across Nigeria to connect with licensed, registered therapists suited to their unique needs.

This article will guide you through understanding therapy, the importance of finding the right fit, and specifically how Tranqbay's features can help you find a therapist "near you" – whether that means geographical proximity, cultural understanding, or simply the perfect professional match available online.

Why Consider Therapy? Understanding the Benefits

Therapy, also known as psychotherapy or counseling, is a collaborative process between a therapist and a client. It provides a safe, confidential space to explore thoughts, feelings, behaviours, and experiences. 

It's not just for severe mental health crises; therapy can benefit anyone seeking personal growth, improved coping skills, or help navigating life's challenges.

Some key benefits of engaging in therapy include:

Developing Coping Strategies: Learn healthy ways to manage stress, anxiety, anger, and other difficult emotions.

Gaining Self-Awareness: Understand your patterns, triggers, and motivations better.

Improving Relationships: Enhance communication skills and navigate conflicts more effectively with partners, family, or colleagues.

Processing Difficult Experiences: Work through trauma, grief, loss, or major life changes in a supportive environment.

Managing Mental Health Conditions: Get professional support for conditions like depression, anxiety disorders, PTSD, and more.

Personal Growth: Enhance self-esteem, set meaningful goals, and work towards becoming the best version of yourself.

It's crucial to work with a licensed and registered therapist. These professionals have undergone rigorous training and adhere to ethical standards, ensuring you receive competent and confidential care.

The Nigerian Context: Navigating the Search for Mental Wellness

While awareness is growing, finding mental health support in Nigeria can still involve unique challenges:

Stigma: Fear of judgment can prevent people from seeking help.

Accessibility: Finding qualified therapists, especially outside major cities, can be difficult.

Cost: Affordability can be a significant barrier for many.

Finding the Right Fit: Connecting with someone who understands your cultural background and specific concerns is vital.

Verification: Ensuring a potential therapist is genuinely qualified can be uncertain through informal channels.

Digital platforms like Tranqbay are emerging as powerful tools to overcome many of these obstacles.

Tranqbay: Your Digital Gateway to Mental Health Support in Nigeria

Tranqbay is more than just a directory; it's a platform built to facilitate meaningful connections between clients and qualified mental health professionals. 

Operating via tranqbay.ng and tranqbay.health, its core mission is to make quality mental healthcare accessible, convenient, and tailored to the needs of people in Nigeria.

Verified Professionals: Tranqbay emphasizes connecting users only with licensed, registered therapists, giving you peace of mind about their qualifications.

User-Friendly Platform: Designed for ease of use, helping you navigate your options smoothly.

Focus on Fit: Offers tools and information to help you find not just any therapist, but the right therapist for you.

How Tranqbay Helps You Find a Therapist "Near Me"

When searching for "therapist near me" on a platform like Tranqbay, "near" can take on several important meanings:

Geographical Proximity (In-Person Therapy): 

Tranqbay acknowledges that some individuals prefer or require face-to-face sessions. A unique feature is the ability to filter for therapists who offer in-person appointments within Nigeria. If physical presence is important to you, this filter helps you find local options.

Therapy is often more effective when the therapist has some understanding of the client's cultural context. Tranqbay hosts therapists from diverse cultural backgrounds, increasing the likelihood of finding someone who resonates with your experiences as someone living in Nigeria.

For online therapy, "near me" means accessible right from your phone or computer, wherever you are in Nigeria. It removes geographical barriers, travel time, and brings therapy directly to your safe space.

Perhaps the most crucial meaning of "near me" is finding a professional whose expertise, style, and approach feel close to what you need. Tranqbay excels here through its detailed listings and powerful filtering.

Let's explore how Tranqbay's features empower your search:

Diverse Therapist Listings: Browse through profiles of numerous qualified therapists. Get a feel for their background, approach, and areas of focus.

Powerful Filtering Options: This is where Tranqbay truly shines in helping you narrow down choices:

Specialization: Are you dealing with anxiety, depression, grief, relationship issues, trauma, or seeking sex therapy? Filter therapists based on their specific areas of expertise to find someone experienced with your particular concerns.

Price: Mental healthcare should be accessible. Tranqbay allows you to filter by price, helping you find options within your budget. (Therapy sessions start from around ₦5,000, offering various price points).

Gender: Choose to filter for male or female therapists based on your comfort level and preference.

Searching for a therapist near you in Nigeria? Tranqbay connects you with licensed online & in-person therapists. 

TranqBay Blog

News, Insights and Updates

Stay Updated